A severe cultural storm has been raging through the Haredi sector for the past several months, surrounding the singer and creator, Mendel Rate (Roth). Those who already know him, whether personally or on social networks or Haredi media, have realized that he is known to break social norms, to say the least. He dared, against accepted tradition, to perform with a guitar, giving him the notorious reputation of the "hippie" and "Carlebach style," on the one hand, and giving opportunities to many youngsters to play, perform and express themselves, on the other hand.
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He was willing to perform on Independence Day and even spoke positively about celebrating Israel's independence, encouraging closer ties between the secular and Haredi communities. As part of the reforms that he believes should be instilled in Yeshivas, and the need to combine Torah, Hassidism, music and love, he also claimed that the Yeshiva world needs reorganization and that 12 hours and more of learning in a day is not good for all. He claimed that music must be included in the curriculum, in order to strengthen the students' inner world, over and above their studies.
He said that Haredi parents must show their children expressive love, or in other words, to hug and kiss each other in front of their children. He claimed that there should be a Haredi cinema and even put a lot of effort into producing video clips for his songs. In the future, he plans to set up a joint business for Haredi cinema production.
And if all this is not enough, he even claimed that the Haredi public should embrace the Internet, with the required adjustments, of course. Now, he was not waiting for approval by anyone – for many years he has been sharing his songs and rebellious messages on social media. The message "you don't need to wear eight clothes in summer and colorful clothes also look good," for example, was shared on many channels, as well as the popular Instagram page Dos Celebs, and received comments such as "a sane voice" and "someone is waking us up," as well as less supportive comments, such as "removing from my list, because you don't stop giving this psycho a stage."
This time Rate, the son of a well-known Grand Rebbe, one of the religious leaders in Ashdod, and himself a Hassid who zealously wears Hassidic garb, sinned by being the one who, for the first time in his sector, published a Haredi love song – and even in Yiddish.
At the end of April Rate released a short clip from his recordings on social media, and the storm broke loose. Is this possible? To speak about love in such an open way? And in a song that is distributed to the masses? He was not deterred by the responses and released the full song. The song immediately turned viral and the pouring in of responses, both positive and negative, turned into a flood.
As usual, the critics did not stop him, not for a moment. He is now working on two new songs in Yiddish, with each he will try to break another taboo in Haredi society. The first, on Haredi parents who threw their son out of their home because he had a smartphone, considered utterly forbidden in the Haredi sector. The second, that is due to be released immediately afterwards, contains a declared anti-institutional cry-out, suggesting that each Haredi find God in his own way.
'One who is breaking down the walls'
I met Rate (30), the seventh in a family of 15 siblings, in his home in Ashdod. He has been divorced for seven years, after a very short marriage of four months. In the meantime, until he finds love, he is living with his Grand Rebbe father. His personal journey between marriage and divorce, and onwards, has brought him to write this song.
"I am one who breaks down walls," he declares already at the outset of our conversation. "That's why, even the Haredi site, which is more open than other organized Haredi media, finds it difficult giving me a stage, and I understand them, even though I think that those working on the sites themselves identify at least with some of what I am saying."
In the meantime, other than the songs that he is releasing and getting hundreds of thousands of views (admirable numbers in this sector), he runs popular Instagram and Tiktok accounts, and frequently uses a tool that almost only Haredim use: his "status" on Whatsapp, which correlates in the Haredi world to a story on Instagram. On each channel, his clips reach tens of thousands of views. "With clip on my status or Tiktok, I break conventional ideas. No one can know what I am going to break tomorrow, so there are those who are scared of me."
His life story is complicated. A dispute in the Hassidic sect led to the ex-communication of Rate and his family from the community in which he was raised. "This happened when I was 15," he remembers. "This happens in many Hassidic sects, when politics gets involved, and this happened with us as well. It was very dirty, and they distanced my father from his father, the Grand Rebbe. My father was very close with my grandfather and, as a result, we were excommunicated as well. The Yeshiva of our sect announced that everyone is forbidden from talking to us."
Even though this all happened eight years ago, it has left me traumatized to this day. I am trying to forgive, so that I don't carry this in my heart, but I still talk about it outside, because even now, there are similar things being done in different Hassidic sects in the name of God, and it infuriates me. This story has forced me to embark on a personal journey because I felt that if there can be such hatred within a Hassidic sect, so much verbal violence – even if there is a lot of God worshipping and holiness, and I recognize that there is a need for a fundamental change because there is something wrong here."
Q: But, despite all, you haven't changed your Hassidic appearance. You haven't totally left.
"There were things that went through my head over the years. For a while I thought of being a Chardalnik [state-supporting Haredi] and other times I wanted to join Breslev or Chabad. I even considered joining the hill-top youth, whom I love very much, also because of their connection to nature. But, in the end, my inner feeling was always that my mission was to revolutionize the Hassidic society."
Q: At age 15, he says, he discovered the songs and books of the "Dancing Rabbi," Shlomo Carlebach, which were not totally accepted in mainstream Hassidism.
"I became crazy about him. His messages were exactly what I wanted to bring to the Hassidic society in which I live, but through Torah and halacha. In the Hassidic society, and even more so in the conservative sects, Carlebach was considered "untouchable," and my Grand Rebbe father took my connection to him very severely. I was always "different" in my family and this only made it worse. Not that, heaven forbid, they didn't love me, but they were afraid of my way. They told themselves: "If this started with Carlebach, who knows how this will end? Maybe Mendel with leave religion totally? Even for me, this attitude was not simple at all."
In recent years he is known as a musical artist and creator. He has released several successful Hassidic hits, but nobody spoke about them as much as they are talking about the love song that he recently released.
Q: How come you decided to release a love song in Yiddish?
"It's all about my personal story. When I turned 20, I had my own opinions, and I also published a dissident pamphlet that was distributed in many Yeshivot. There were several columns and op-eds by some writers, and my page, with a personal article. I wrote there about love and light, words that are not so accepted in the sector. The pamphlet became a hit, but when I wrote an article that yeshiva students need spiritual experiences beyond their studies, and I started talking about the hippies of the 1960s (where Carlebach started his career), this exploded in the Yeshiva. The Yeshiva head instructed me to stop publishing the pamphlet, but I continued in other Yeshivas. After writing another critical article, that Yeshivas don't enable any independent thinking, for the soul and for one's talents, this was the last straw. I wrote that if I headed a Yeshiva, once every few months I would take the students out to pick oranges, to meet our Creator in nature."
"After this article, the entire Yeshiva staff, about 20 people, convened. They had been put to shame because such a young man was learning in their institution. They all sat in a half-circle and called me in to hear what I had to say. I said: I am sorry if I hurt anyone, but I have criticism of the Yeshiva world, that they never touch the soul or inner facets of Judaism."
Q: The explanation did not help and Rate was politely asked to immediately stop all his work.
"They started talking about my case at Hassidic Yeshivas, and this ruined my matchmaking options," he says. "My father, the Grand Rebbe, was worried that I find a wife. I was already older in Hassidic terms; I was 23. I received suggestions from a respectable family in Jerusalem and they pressured me to meet the girl. I met her and saw that she really was an excellent person – just not one that suited me. But it didn't help. My parents, who truly love me, thought that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I finally got a good offer for matchmaking and I was turning it down? Obviously, they didn't force me, but they spent hours explaining to me that I was making a mistake. In the end, I gave in and agreed. This was a serious mistake."
Q: Why?
"Because to get engaged to a girl when there is no feeling or chemistry, and without any inner connection, is a grave mistake. I got married, and four months later, I got divorced."
What infuriated him during his engagement and short marriage, was supportive advice that he got from two well-known Grand Rebbes, which later triggered his songs.
"They all told me: 'Get married, it will be okay, and if not – the worst is that you'll get divorced.' In the Haredi sector there is a fear of breaking off engagements. But, I believe, that divorce is much worse and much more harmful. There is a taboo on breaking off engagements. And I say: Let's break it up now, together, let's start now. If a person gets engaged and his heart is not yearning for his finance, he should not marry her.
"One Grand Rebbe whom I met after the wedding, also a wise person who many consult with, said to me: I don't see any chance that you are going to live a life of love, because you need a very specific woman to suit you. And to go out dating again as a divorcee, the son of a Grand Rebbe and one who needs a woman with a very certain type of soul, this is almost impossible. I asked him: So what, I will never find love? And he said to me: stay in your marriage, just invest in yourself at the Yeshiva and this will calm your soul.
This response is total corruption of pure love! To tell a yeshiva student "You are not going to love?" I want to shatter this approach! Everyone was sure that I was the problem, but I didn't hurt her at all. It's just that from the first moment, we were not compatible. Why should it be like this? Let's look at the Torah, it's written "And Jacob loved Rachel." Why can't we love like Jacob our Forefather? This is the most beautiful and emotional story in the Bible."
Q: You are critical of the Haredi matchmaking world, but maybe the problem, if it exists at all, is only in the Hassidic sector, where the couple meet only once?
"So, first, yes, I am talking more about the Hassidic society. But I also have criticism of the Lithuanian Yeshiva world. There they are not aware of this issue at all. They do not talk about the soul, they don't learn about life. A Haredi man learning at Yeshiva knows nothing about life and nothing about love. It is true that in the Lithuanian sect there is more openness. Some see movies and learn from that, and that is a bit different. But the whole subject of love and emotions is not talked about in the Haredi Yeshivas, and if you don't know anything about life, you don't know what to look for in a marriage."
'Is there love in the Haredi world?'
Rate wrote the music for his love song in the same room we are meeting in; about two months ago. The song was released on YouTube and spread like a wildfire in Haredi WhatsApp groups. On the other hand, the song was not played even once on Haredi radio channels, and the ones that were played – have been boycotted.
"Several years ago I ran a blog on the Haredi site "Bechadrei Chadarim," where I smashed another taboo every week, but there was one post that evoked the greatest number of responses, and it was titled "Is there love in the Haredi world?" Now, when I wanted to get this message out to the Yeshiva world, so that the men know that there must be attraction and love, I understood that the way to do it was not through a blog, because it was not going to be seen in Yeshivas.
"I thought about the best way to get my message out and initiate a revolution, and I quickly realized that this must be done through music. I told myself, a song in Yiddish, a sweet and beautiful Hassidic tune; I don't need anything else to try and make a difference. A song, unlike an online blog, can reach every Yeshiva student's mp3 player. And this is what happened. I released the song to create discussion. I don't mind hearing those who disagree with me, at least people are talking about it."
Some of the Haredi musicians participating in the song were hesitant about letting their name be known. In the end, they decided to do it. "When the first clip was released from the studio, we were surprised to find that most comments supported what we said. After the song was released, I received more than one thousand comments on WhatsApp, most from people I don't even know.
"The song reached Yeshivas, single and married students, and became the topic of conversation in every Hassidic Yeshiva, also in Hassidic Kollels. I made a TikTok video about the comments. One day, after the song was released, I was walking here in Ashdod and I met some Hassidic men. They immediately started arguing with me about the song. Wherever I go, people stop and talk to me about the song. Those men asked me: How come a young Yeshiva student isn't scared to talk about love? I told them: I don't understand, the Creator of the world was not scared that you would learn about the story of Queen Esther, where it says, "And the king loved Esther," or the story of Ruth, and many other verses in the Torah that talk about love? What was I actually telling this young man? It was okay for Jacob our Forefather; it was okay for King Solomon, and I am the one talking about love? I believe that the Haredi society has to convert love into practical life. Every Hassidic man must give his wife a hug in front of his children. When I get married I will give my wife a kiss on the forehead every Friday night in front of my children, and I will sing her love songs."
Q: People can hear the song, feel that they don't have love and decide to get divorced.
"Look, as this is not the first time that I am talking about love, people are talking to me about their lives; even though I am not a counselor. And the hardest question that I encounter in life is actually this. Some guy asked me, "I am married. I have seven children and I don't have love. What should I do?" This this the most horrifying issue. It really scares me and I don't know what to answer. It is a very powerful question.
"In any case, I specifically wrote about this again and again that I only talk to single guys, and not to married men. I am trying to make a difference from the outset. Not to take action among those who are already married. But, yes, it is a very complicated matter that shakes my heart and so I can do nothing. The song also raises questions, what should I do? I have to tell my truth so that I can heal the next generation."
Q: Did you get any offers for matchmaking after you released the song?
"Definitely. There were also matchmakers who called me, and women contacted me through Instagram or WhatsApp, but there wasn't anyone suitable. I am also looking for someone who is from a sect that is as close as possible to my upbringing; someone who has taken the step outwards. Once I thought that I need someone who is different than me, someone from the outside, but today I know that my essence is not only Hassidic, but I am also the son of a Grand Rebbe. This is in my soul. I am in deep trouble. Haredim don't have options for finding love online. There is no earmarked App, only through matchmakers, and anyone who has any self-awareness – has a hard time with matchmakers."
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Today, as stated above, in addition to the songs he releases, he is also a type of Haredi social media star, also on TikTok. "Until six weeks ago I didn't know what TikTok is. I believe that it is just another wonderful way to reach more people. When I joined, I saw that exposure on TikTok is so much more than any other media channel, and I said to myself: Wow! I really want to make a difference for people. I don't follow problematic content, only my friends. On my third day on TikTok I released a song that I called, "Daddy, I want to protect my eyes on TikTok." This song portrays this conflict. I am so open, but also so conservative. I learn Kabbalah and strive to be like the Ba'al Shem Tov."
Q: If the Ba'al Shem Tov was alive today, do you think he would open a TikTok account?
"Many times I think that it is possible. There is a song that I made into a clip using big cinema production technology. The song is called "Mincha," and it is based on the Ba'al Shem Tov's sayings. I tried to spread his message through the clip. If he was alive today and had the skills to understand the media, I believe that he would have done what I am doing."
