If you thought matchmaking was an extinct dinosaur, an ancient profession that continues to survive only in religious communities, you should recalculate your destination – and in the process please turn off your apps. It seems that in the last two years the field of matchmaking has been in full bloom, in offices that are out there to help you find your other half, just like in the past.
Follow Israel Hayom on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram
So, we find that the COVID-19 pandemic has significantly contributed to this thriving field. "The past two years have been the busiest the matchmaking industry has ever experienced, and since the outbreak of the pandemic, the demand has not eased," explains Alessandra Conti, owner of matchmaking company Matchmakers In The City, located in Beverly Hills. "Until the outbreak of COVID-19, matchmaking was considered a profession of seasonal peaks: in early summer, when everyone is looking for a romantic partner, or around the October-November holidays, when one wants to spend family events with a partner at one's side.
"Our calendars are full of endless meetings, and after years during which the client base had a female majority – since the onset of the pandemic, there have been more calls from young men, starting from age 32 on average. Another change is an increase in the number of calls from career women, compared to the past. COVID-19 has balanced the field of matchmaking in all respects."
Last year, when the world suffered ongoing lockdowns, the dating app Tinder reached a peak of 6.6 million paid users. Seemingly, it is easiest to keep swiping right or left, but many discovered that finding a long-term partner is a much more serious business, which the frenzy of the smartphone age cannot always fulfill.
"My clients tell the same story: they first opened apps simply to find a partner, who is supposedly just waiting there, but they found that the app market is excessively flooded and that, despite the large number of users, the quality has dropped – and there are no real treasures," Conti explains. After a while people understand that it is difficult to find someone who we really like in an app and they develop a sense of frustration and despair, realizing that they will not find happiness there."
Q: Aren't you coming from a specific position, that the matchmaking apps are your competition?
"No. The apps actually help matchmakers like me. Logging into an app only gives one a taste of the dating world, and in many cases it leads prospective clients to realize that it is better for them to consult with a professional matchmaker. In a meeting between a client and a matchmaker, critical questions are brought up that many are curious to ask on a first date, but avoid asking, such as moral values that are important to us as a partner, religious affiliation, political opinion, and even how many children we want. A matchmaker filters these questions in advance and saves a lot of headaches.
Apps are also increasingly perceived as a waste of time, with too few results. And time is a valuable commodity. This is where matchmakers come into the picture, engaging in a sort of organizational outsourcing process. We meet the potential candidates, observe what they look like in reality, beyond the picture and a few lines on their profile, and get to know the person and their lifestyle. This is a stage that can exhaust many seekers, so it is more effective when we do this for them."
'Personality comes before all'
Conti, 32, founded her own company together with her older sister Christina ("I introduced her to her husband. They got married five years ago, and my nephew was born last year"). The two sisters grew up in an Italian-American family in New Jersey, in a mixed community with Jews.
"As teenagers we went to dozens of bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah parties for friends from our class, and even then we matched many boys and girls. Our most important tip has always been to flirt. Be yourself and take everything lightheartedly. In the early stages it is important to be relaxed; don't come to a date like it is a job interview. Come with a clear and calm mind, as if you are actually meeting each other during a vacation. It always increases the attraction."
The Conti sisters' company has branches in Los Angeles, New York, Washington and San Francisco. An introductory meeting with one of the matchmakers, costs an initial $100, which will put you in the database for one year. At a premium cost of $5,300 a year, you will receive personal guidance from the matchmaker and will be sent on dates with potential matches selected especially for you.
Full membership costs $10,000 a year, and includes special dating sessions, feedback calls and follow-up after dates, to help the relationship progress. In addition, the company offers personalized guidance on how to behave on dates, a $4,900 couple-coaching session, and a one-time counseling session, costing $200, for those who settle for minimal service.
Conti has a great reputation in the US, thanks to her many appearances on television hosting and entertainment programs, as a matchmaking consultant to celebrity couples. Sometimes I am asked to come and talk about celeb couples, even when the producers do not know that I set them up. Working with celebrities entails lawyers and strict confidentiality agreements, and I do not share details with anyone, not even with my boyfriend.
"We all fantasize what the love life of the stars looks like and develop ideals inspired by them. Male clients used to ask us for 'someone who looks like Natalie Portman,' and in recent years many want someone who looks like Gal Gadot. For women it is more diverse, some want the 'cute guy around the corner', like Ryan Gosling or Zac Efron, and others are looking for a more sexy kind of guy, like Chris Evans or Jason Momoa. And of course, George Clooney is still popular – but women will always be more reluctant and say that character comes before all."
Q: What is your success rate?
"Statistically, eight out of ten of our matchmaking suggestions lead to a serious relationship within a year of membership. This is a success rate that we have proudly been upholding for eight years. Anyone who claims to have 100% success – this is bullshit. Some present themselves as matchmakers, and will sometimes give you a name they found on Google, as if they made the match. We are a serious business with proven experience.
Subscribe to Israel Hayom's daily newsletter and never miss our top stories!
There is an organization in New York called the Matchmaking Institution, which is the only one authorizing businesses in our field. They also hold meetings between matchmakers from all over the United States. Through these connections we have built relationships with other matchmakers, and I met a leading Jewish matchmaker there, who offers us suggestions from her database, when one of our clients wants a Jewish partner. In the end, everyone wants love, whether you are Brad Pitt or a factory worker, and after a decade in the matchmaking business, I can say with confidence that matchmaking works big time, and is here to stay!"
The matchmaker Conti was talking about is Jessica Fass, an American Jew who, after a career as a production assistant in studios in Los Angeles on successful TV series, such as "Two and a Half Men" and "The Big Bang Theory," moved to Tel Aviv in 2011, where she has been living for five years. Fass fell in love with Israel while on the Birthright program, and later returned to the country on a Masa trip, intended for young Jews from the Diaspora. She soon found that matchmaking came naturally to her.
Like Conti, Fass holds official credentials from the Matchmaking Institution in New York, and in 2013 founded her own business, Fass Pass to Love, a pun on the fast card track at theme parks in the US. She specializes in matchmaking for single Jews from all over the world, and several of her successful matches have ended in the weddings of couples from Israel and Denmark, Sweden and France, the USA and Brazil, as well as an Israeli woman with a man from Uruguay.
"Matchmaking came into my life through a happy mistake. I introduced a guy I worked with to my childhood friend, because I thought they were suitable. That is how I developed a method to make friends and get to know people very well – and then to understand who to match them with," explains Fass.
"When I moved to Israel, I started working in hi-tech and matched some of the couples I met at social events. One of the guys was actually someone I had dated myself, but he was not for me. So I found him a girl I had met at a rooftop costume party in Tel Aviv. That's when I thought: Why not turn my method into a business?
"I sat at a café on Dizengoff Street, posted on Facebook groups that I do matchmaking, and offered an introductory meeting – initially at a price of 50 shekels, which following demand, rose to 600. From there the business flourished and began providing full service. I have experience in stand-up comedy, and I also started performing in Tel Aviv. So I invited many people I met to come to my shows, and this way we became friends. People started getting to know me, I formed an initial database, and this is basically the story of every matchmaker. Matchmaking requires high-level social skills, knowing how to make the connections. I came from the entertainment and production industry, and it taught me everything I know about interpersonal networking."
Q: There is a stereotype of the kind of person who comes on a Birthright trip to find a good Jewish partner.
"This is absolutely true. When I first came on Birthright, I started dating an Israeli soldier ... and in general, my clients are willing to pay thousands of Dollars to set up a Jewish home, just as they want."
Q: Are there differences between Israelis and Americans who are looking for a partner?
"Most of my clients are men, and a significant number are traditional Republicans. Political identity is a complicated issue in our current social climate. As a rule, American clients are more neurotic and tense than their relaxed Israeli counterparts, and women here have much more self-confidence, and are proud of their military service.
In the US, they are open to accepting matchmaking suggestions from Israel, and that has become my specialty. The men who come to me are willing to pay all expenses, because they regard the matchmaking service as a business investment for all intents and purposes.
International matchmaking generally starts with video calls. This is especially true for Jewish clients from small towns where there is a small Jewish community. I have a new client from Ohio, and I introduced him to a European client. By the way, I have 2.5 times more women than men in the database, so the moment a man comes to me - I already have many options for him to work with."
Fass, who defines herself as "a single woman in a relationship," has a price list, which begins with a $3,000 basic guidance session, upon entering the singles database, or a $4,500 VIP service, which includes an hour-and-a-half introductory meeting (now usually by Zoom) to build a matchmaking strategy, and a follow-up call a week later.
Fass questions the candidates about their previous relationships, advises on social media presence and asks them to fill out a personal questionnaire: Flexibility in the desired age range? Availability to move to another country? Importance of religion and political opinions? Significant external appearance? And would you agree to a relationship with a divorcee, widow/er or parent of children? Or the bottom line – how much is the client is willing to compromise.
"In my experience, the beginning is always difficult for both parties, and they need guidance, advice and tips for future dates, including encouragement, so that they understand that they must give the person in front of them a proper chance," says Fass. "Many times clients rush to make a decision after one date, they expect immediate chemistry and fireworks – and when that does not happen they quickly give up. I explain to them that they must give it some time, and I have proven this many times. Matchmaking is really not about 'here, take the girl's phone number, talk to her and have a good time.' This attitude does not lead couples to walk down the aisle.
"I take clients to a styling consultant, organize professional photo shoots for them and actually become their agent, including being involved in the back and forth of setting a date. I also emphasize the fact that they must not cancel a date at short notice, unless it is an emergency, because it always damages the process, and is not so obvious for everyone. People have become accustomed to focus on apps and other distractions, in a non-serious virtual game, but it is different when there is a person accompanying you through the process, and guiding you with friendly conversations before dates."
Q: What significant changes have occurred since COVID-19?
"Clients are less willing relocate for a potential partner. Mobility has become complicated, and people are no longer in a hurry to leave their home country. During the first lockdown, I held speed-dating parties on Zoom. Everyone joined online, and the process was slowed down and became more thought-out. Meetings between the clients were held, first and foremost, on Zoom, and then they would connect and move on to personal dating on video. There was a man who went on a date a year before COVID-19, but he did not like the girl. During the pandemic they reconnected on Zoom, and suddenly there was a renewed mutual interest – they are now engaged. If it weren't for COVID-19, they would never have seen each other again."
Q: Are there new rules for dating in current times?
"I tell anyone who finds an initial match, whether on Zoom or through an app, not to continue the relationship for more than a month without actually meeting and really getting to know each other. In most cases two weeks are sufficient. We develop fantasies in our head very quickly, investing time and emotions, and this can easily amount to immense disappointment. I recommend texting no more than twice, and on the third time to already meet on a video call, after which they can make a decision whether to meet or not. Everyone has the basic conditions to be their own matchmaker, but whoever needs help beyond that – that is where I come into the picture.
"If the date is unsuccessful, I encourage both sides to end it respectfully and not just to disappear, or make excuses. One should just admit that it is not suitable, and if the other party asks – you can also give feedback. You should also think of people you know who actually might be suitable for the other person, because ultimately, it is our responsibility – to ensure that the Jewish population continues to exist."
