"Everything in life is a gamble. Starting a business, getting married, dating. Everything carries an inherent risk, but if you want to gain something – you have to take calculated risks, and in poker, I calculate and assess risks based on the game and the players in front of me. It works like that in poker and in life in general."
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One would expect such a remark to come from a macho man, who has gotten together with his buddies for a weekend poker game. But these are actually the words of Niv Sofer, founder of Ladies Don't Play Games, the first-of-its-kind organization in Israel that teaches women how to play poker, with branches in Tel Aviv and Ra'anana.
Sofer, who is 29-years-old and also excels at chess, recently participated in the Israeli Poker Championship, which was held in the coastal city of Varna, in Bulgaria. It was organized abroad due to coronavirus restrictions and because poker is not designated as a sport in Israel, although it is something the Knesset's Education, Culture and Sports Committee is working on.
"The championship isn't held in Israel, because it still isn't possible to win a cash prize of this magnitude in an industry considered gambling," Sofer explained.
A mere two-hour flight away, the prize can go as high as 30,000 euros ($34,000).
The Israeli delegation consisted of Sofer, her business partner Guy Klein and six students of Ladies Don't Play Games. This was the group's first international tournament, which also included a 14-hour game. Out of 446 participants, Sofer ranked 64th.
"I had never before played for 14 hours straight as in the championship, and I also had a migraine. But I told myself that whoever goes through such an experience will have it easier with everything else.
"If, for example, you sit at a table consisting of mostly men, and you need to present yourself and your idea, then after a poker tournament it will be much easier for you because you have already had to deal with a table full of war, ego, and testosterone.
"Every participant in the championship is strong, everyone has good cards and everyone views you as someone sweet, and I take advantage of this. Do they think that I don't know how to bluff? Oh, I bluff.
"One time, someone said, 'What a table we are, a table of lions,' but he then corrected himself 'lions and lionesses.' It was a symbolic fix that I liked very much."
Q: Before we dive dep, can you explain in a few words what poker is? For those of us who are unfamiliar.
"Sure. Poker is a game of calculated risks, withstanding pressure, reading the situation and body language, and remaining calm. We play the Texas hold 'em variant, with one deck of cards and without the Jokers. The goal in poker is to take the chips away from all other players at the table. All players receive the same starting amount of chips and each hand consists of several rounds.
"First, two cards are dealt face down to each player, and then five community cards are dealt face up in three stages. First three [cards], then another one, and then another one.
"Each player is required to bet upon receiving their first two cards, and then, with each common card stage, he or she can check, call, raise, or fold.
"The biggest bet is called 'all in,' which is when the player bets all of their chips in the current hand. Based on how much the player increases the debt, the other players have to match it, raise it, or fold.
"The goal is to get the best five-card poker hand from any combination of the seven cards [the five community cards and their two hole cards] or win by bluffing and getting your opponent to fold. The game ends when one player scoops all the chips."
Sofer was born in a religious family and already from an early age showed an aptitude for chess.
"When I was a child, I was immediately referred to play women's chess. 'You have a better chance there,' my teacher told me. Only now do I understand what he meant. I was the only girl in my extracurricular activity, and the only [female] chess teacher and the only [female] instructor at chess camp."
Sofer successfully competed in chess for several years but decided to quit when she was 15.
"I was religious and most tournaments took place on Shabbat, and that is why I did not participate in most of them," said Sofer, who later chose a more secular lifestyle.
Q: How did your family react to your decision?
"I come from a very open home, where they accept someone who is different. My mom is most open and liberal and our parents taught us that we can do anything. My older sister, for example, is a building engineer, working in a male-dominated field. We all know that we are equal and capable of everything and accepted as we are."
Poker came into Sofer's life at the age of 20, when she taught herself how to play in order to join a weekly game with friends. Having fallen in love with poker, she saw a need to open a women's poker school, and set out on a journey to do so."
At the end of 2019, "I read a lot, did market research, and over a hundred women wrote to me on social media that they would be interested in learning how to play poker and left their name and phone number. I understood that there is something to my idea."
Shortly before the outbreak of the coronavirus pandemic, Ladies Don't Play Games opened its doors.
"It started out as individual sessions and then I developed courses for beginners and advanced students and we would practice for hours, both face-to-face and online. There were only a few women in the beginning, but two and a half years later, we have turned into a community of several hundred players."
Q: What kind of students do you have?
"We have school teachers, kindergarten teachers, entrepreneurs, business advisers, judges, and biochemists. The average age is between 30 and 65, but we even used to have an 82-year-old student, and we also have one student who is 19. Altogether, I have taught over 400 women how to play poker.
"We currently have 2-3 courses a month and up to 9 participants in a group. We meet face-to-face around a table, and during this difficult and lonely time, everyone feels they need it.
"We require everyone to take a coronavirus test and follow health guidelines, but we continue to operate, and I know that the school brings light into these women's lives. It is a very heartwarming hobby, one you can learn from every time."
Every session is two and a half hours long, during which members compete and give each other feedback. Twice a month, the school even holds a tournament, which can be joined by family members and friends, with prizes awarded to the winners.
Q: Do some of the students arrive with the goal to make money?
"My students come because they enjoy playing. They are surprised to even learn that there are prizes in our tournaments. But we are not here to play for the money. "My father is a policeman and I grew up in a home where gambling was forbidden. When I was at the championship in Varna, my students and I didn't even come close to the gambling tables. I don't view poker as a gambling game, like roulette, where you definitely lose, but a game of strategy, forethought, and risk mitigation. I don't need any prizes when it comes to chess, because I enjoy playing it, and the same goes for poker."
Q: Why have you decided to open a school for women alone?
"Factually, the moment there is a man at the table, women are less likely to ask questions. It's true of poker and chess. There are fewer women in both these sports.
"I myself have had many unpleasant experiences in chess and poker, but I remain driven. Women tend to stay away from these games, and I understand why. It deters them to hear comments like 'you are sweet' in an environment where you are meant to be tough. Women want a safe space."
Q: What has your personal experience been with poker?
"As a woman, I get more attention and it is tiring. At the end of the day, I hold two cards, just like the rest of the players at the table. I wish women were paid attention to but not because they are women. It is not pleasant when you are being bullied or they don't believe you. This is exactly why at the school we work a lot on one's approach to the game. I would love for a woman to be able to sit at a poker table and not receive comments about her gender.
"When I just began to play, I was a hesitant, passive player who was easy to read. I didn't understand why I was losing every week. I tried to hide, so to speak, and not draw too much attention at the table. The moment I learned to be more assertive I felt it changed my reality, both in poker and in life.
"Now, for example, we choose different clothes, like a hoodie, and I sit in a way that does draw attention. I want the focus to be on me and for players to be intimidated by me, which is so outside my comfort zone.
"Also in life, I suddenly became more courageous, like opening a business and being independent, and I wanted all women to feel like this. Everyone gets better here. My students tell me that poker has changed their lives, for example, led them to see how they speak and are perceived in negotiations, to know if they are easy to read or not."
Q: Do you aspire to become a professional poker player?
"The plan is to participate in championships. My dream is to play in the Las Vegas poker world tournament, and I'm sure it will happen eventually. We have only just started. Israel hasn't had a female poker champion yet, but I hope there will be in the future. Israel needs a female champion, it would be such a boost for women. We are here to stay.
"For now, we don't participate in world tournaments yet, both because it requires significant funds and because we are not yet prepared. Our most veteran students have been playing for two years, and we don't have sponsors like other champions, and preparing for such a game requires training day and night, staying focused on the body language and not giving in to fatigue and making silly mistakes.
"We are still in the beginning, but there is definitely an aspiration to make it to the world championship, including in Asia. I would like to get there in two-three years and play as much as possible until then.
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Sofer's business partner, Klein, 35, is a former criminal attorney from Ra'anana. Today, he is a basketball teacher, coach, basketball referee, and, of course, a poker player who came on board the Ladies Don't Play Games about a year ago.
"Niv and I met two and a half years ago. Her project spoke to me a lot, and I wanted to coach the students and do mental work with them. One thing led to another and I quit my job and became a referee."
Q: In your opinion, who is better at poker, men or women?
"I think women must be better than men. Men have no advantage over women, it's only a matter of confidence and risk management, and I think women are better at this than men, and there can be a chance here that could affect all of society.
"The way poker is perceived is beginning to shift, and we want to encourage women to play. Some still have stereotypes about the game, but with each passing day, more people – both men and women – discover its magical side. Poker makes us disconnect from life, think again, and gain tools for life. It helps with work, relationships, studies, and anything we come across."
Q: Tell us about a special student of yours.
"My mom, Dafna. She was against poker at first, but after a few years, she gave it a chance and fell in love. She is 60 years old, and former chemistry and mathematics teacher, and she took several courses with us and plays online."
In last year's Israeli championship, Klein came in 18th.
"Poker is a game that takes five minutes to learn and an entire lifetime to master," said Rona Barzilai Livni, who studies at Ladies Don't Play Games and works with special needs children.
"I am a very serious person, and I had a prejudice against poker in the past, but it's truly incredible how it has become dominant in my life. After taking a poker dealer course, I play once or twice a week, and I am not ashamed of posting a photo with a pile of chips. Not a week goes by that I don't play, because poker is almost always in the first place. I don't play for money at all, gambling is not my cup of tea, it's about strategy."
Barzilai Livni decided to try poker after seeing an advertisement about the school.
"I knew absolutely nothing about poker, but Niv made such an impression on me. Two years ago, I took the beginner's course and continued with the rest of the courses from there. The more classes I attended, the more I understood that when it comes to poker, I am all in."
Q: How did your friends and loved ones react to your new hobby?
"My partner has been playing [poker] for many years, and every Thursday we play together. He was very excited and encouraging, as were my 17 and 20-year-old sons, who also play. During the first lockdown, we played a lot together."
Q: And what has poker taught you about yourself?
"Poker is a game that consists of the entire spectrum of feelings: anger, sadness, annoyance, restraint, and of course incredible joy. You discover your competitiveness and difficulty with failing and losing, and then you investigate why. Sometimes in poker, you feel like playing one hand, but the mind stops you and says 'statistically, that would not be the right move.'
"That translates into life as well, when it comes to making decisions, for example, we can ask what would be the outcome if I chose a particular transaction.
"At the table, you constantly need to encounter competitors and learn their weaknesses, and how you can use them to your advantage. Poker is an exciting game of life."
Q: Has poker helped you make new friends?
"I've made many friends. I am 48, so I have social circles already, but I also felt like making new friends with whom I share a hobby. I tried several options, and nothing stuck until I fell in love with poker.
"We are all very good friends and it's wonderful because at the table we are competitors. We also love to learn together and support each other, and the moment the game is over, forget what happened at the table. "
Fellow poker student Anat Kerem Engel, from Tel Aviv, concurred.
"Poker has brought a kind of spice to my life. Although I'm still a novice, who learns and makes mistakes just like everyone else, it's an opportunity for me to be among equals."
Engel, a biochemistry specialist and a mind-body specialist, teaches a presentation titled "If your body could speak, what would it tell you?"
"I don't come as a doctor, but from a place of joy and play in order to let go of stress," she said. That is the best medicine there is because poker works on hormones like dopamine and endorphins, which human beings need. This game strengthens the immune system and is better than any addiction. I encourage women to come to play, but at the same time, not to take the game too seriously. Win or lose, at the end of the day, it is just a fun game."
Engel too started out with the beginners' course and went on to join the advanced group.
Q: What is it like to play poker with other women?
"Very different from playing with men. Women have more sophisticated and foxy energies and they are very intelligent and profound, and men, well, with them it always comes down to ego."
Q: What has poker taught you about life?
"I added topics from poker into my lectures, for example, how to control pressure, pulse, and breathing. Poker also trains the brain. Moreover, I learned to get outside my comfort zone, including bluffing, and learned that it's not just about the cards that you get, but how you play with them."
